My Twilight Story in an OBSESSIVE Rant Recorded in January 2012
Be prepared to hit pause and turn volume down around 2:20 - you can turn it back up after. Also, ignore the petition stuff, it's old and irrelevant.
You'll find even more detailed 'about me' links at the bottom of this.
You girls, in particular, are some of the MEANEST, entitled, HATEFUL, cruel KNOW-IT-ALLs; and frankly, I've OFTEN wondered WHY the hell I keep trying to get through to you (and SO have my family & friends who think I should just DROP this subject and MOVE ON.)
I will... I am... This is (again hopefully) the last blog post I will do. You'll see my attitude is changing in this post from the previous ones in here. I'm really starting to resent you ALL and there is a part of me that feels like it's starting to truly DESPISE you.
Yeah, time to move on and let go... LIKE I WAS before this STUPID Hollywood BS started!! Every single day you girls remain SILENT in here just drives me to believe that you're all a bunch of selfish cowards; and frankly, I'm starting to seriously lose respect for every single person who CONSIDERS themselves to be a FAN of TWILIGHT or Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart!!
From *my* debunked perspective... There isn't MUCH to be proud of with Twilight anymore. And ONE of the FEW reasons to be REALLY PROUD of this saga right now has been UNDER SERIOUS ATTACK from SOME of us Twihards for FAR TOO LONG - because of OUR INTENSE - and again, preventable - OBSESSIONS.
If I didn't occasionally hear from some of you in email, I really don't know WHAT I would do. At least it makes me feel like all this time I've spent in here has helped SOME people, and if it only helps a few - hopefully it will at least be those who really NEED it.
For this reason, I WILL continue to pound this blog out there BECAUSE it HAS HELPED a handful of people (and hopefully some others who just are not saying anything). And since it seems to HELP MOST people who take the time to consider this stuff, it IS a MESSAGE that I will continue to market.
Here's a portion of JUST ONE email I've received that doesn't expose "too much" of someone's pain: "Thank you for writing that wonderful blog..it was heaven sent. ...Please someone tell him (apparently, someone she knows and is talking to about this). He just texted me and said he told my mom..and for me to get some help..and bye..please tell him..everyone is doing this and its killing me..but everybody acts like they dont know what im talking about..I think I may have never needed anything so bad in all of my life than for somebody to tell him..I know they are trying to drive me crazy..and its starting to work... thanks again, was truly a blessing I needed to read..very much so :)"
WHY am I bothering?
Because I realized my obsessions and HOW we were ALL being affected by ALL of our Twilight obsessions LONG BEFORE this Hollywood hoopla occurred; and I WAS WORRIED about MANY of you back then, already. Intense obsessions - which these obviously ARE - can be very harmful and dangerous, especially for impressionable young girls like this (but apparently, not just you younger ones).
But BEFORE that, even... Before I realized the extent these obsessions had gotten for some of us, and before I realized how DEEP some of us were into them... *I* was obsessed about the SAME THING YOU ARE ALL OBSESSED WITH:
EDWARD CULLEN/Robert Pattinson (and of course, Bella is ALWAYS in that equation somehow for ALL of us in varying ways).
If I really bring things down to the heart of the matter... THIS is my original, beginning REASON for writing the very first blog post that I did; it's why I CONTINUE to have strong feelings about this subject; and it's just ONE of MANY reasons HOW I KNOW that there are SOME of you Twihards out there who ARE in DANGER as this STUPID PR Stunt continues to play out.
These characters FEEL REAL to SOME of you... And for some OTHERS of you, the ACTOR/ACTRESS who bring these characters to LIFE for us on the big screen IS AN ADDITIONAL WHAMMY because their REAL LIFE romantic relationship FEELS LIKE your relationship, too.
So YEAH... MANY of you are STILL in deep "real-feeling" emotional PAIN or ANGRY, and many of you are BOTH.
I'm pretty sure that, because of "the way" my particular brain works, *my* obsessions surrounding Twilight were ALOT like the MAJORITY of your's seem to be... MOST of us LOVE this ENTIRE story and ALL the beautiful characters, and we adore the pure-love FOREVER message.
But BECAUSE this story was supposed to be about VAMPIRES - or at least, because it supposedly had Vampires WITHIN it - those of us who were FAMILIAR with Vampires before Stephenie Meyer wrote her saga SEE these characters DIFFERENTLY than she MEANT for them to be seen.
This means that... Those of us older girls who KNEW about Vampires before we read these books OR watched these movies had PRECONCEIVED ideals surrounding the character of Edward Cullen as well as the Cullen Family, in general - BECAUSE we were TOLD they were Vampires.
But BECAUSE Stephenie's Vampires are so much more different than the REAL-make-believe Vampires that we had in our heads... SOME of us older girls had the character of Edward Cullen built up in our minds into someone MUCH MORE dynamic and intense than he was originally created to be. (How the HECK ELSE do you think EL James was INSPIRED to come up with the character of Christian Grey from the character of Edward Cullen in Twilight?)
I know this because THAT'S how *I* had this character built up in my head BEFORE I was debunked by this story. Edward was DARKER in my mind AND he was an ACTUAL real-make-believe VAMPIRE, ha! Because of THIS, I had Edward's and Bella's RELATIONSHIP ALSO built up in my mind to be something MUCH MORE than it was supposed to be.
That's WHY *I* was SO heartbroken when I first became debunked by this erroneous Vampire storyline... I COULD SEE that this was NOT how Edward and Bella's love story was supposed to go; AND it was DISTURBING to realize WHY so many OTHER people were SO SURE it was PERFECT.
At first, I didn't realize exactly what was wrong with Twilight, I just felt like "something wasn't right" about it after I discovered the Vampire-hybrid baby - and actually, it was BEFORE that when I was starting to have questions surrounding JACOB's storyline. (I came into Twilight through the movies just before the release of Eclipse.)
I literally struggled with trying to FORCE the ending of this story into my head for WEEKS/months leading up to the arrival of Breaking Dawn Part 1. *I* think the reason why I wasn't able to "get past" this storyline was because it came up on me too fast. So many of these other estranged Twilight Fans have had LOTS of TIME to either accept/embrace this story as it is OR reject/forget about it and move on. I was TOO NEW to the situation to do either fast enough, ha!
So instead... THIS is what happened to ME...
I complained and carried on to anyone who would listen to me about my storyline issues with Twilight. And of course, absolutely EVERYONE I talked to said, "I know there's something wrong with Twilight, but it's JUST a STORY."
But DOESN'T it kind of seem like MORE than JUST a STORY to many people NOW that our obsessions are putting a gargantuan SPOTLIGHT on how NUTS some of us ARE?! That's because IT IS MORE THAN THAT for MANY TWILIGHT FANS!!
I KNOW this, because IT WAS "more than that" FOR ME, TOO for awhile...
When I was finally and thoroughly debunked from this story, it was as a HARSH MOMENT of REALITY that LITERALLY created an INTENSE PHYSICAL REACTION that LASTED for OVER a WEEK - then it lingered and lingered while I struggled to DEAL with this UNNECESSARY ASSAULT on my MIND for MONTHS!
I can only IMAGINE that THIS is what SOME of you WENT through in those FIRST FEW MOMENTS/HOURS - maybe even days, and STILL(?) - after hearing about Kristen's photos and Robert's broken heart.
And *I* was NOT NEARLY as obsessed as SO MANY of you out there ARE, girls - ALL AGES, NONE of you are excluded!! You CAN'T TELL me (especially with the feedback I've received from some people) that you're ALL JUST FINE! Maybe you WERE, but you ARE NOT ANYMORE!
Sure, HOPEFULLY the MAJORITY of you WILL BE... But what about those of you who FEEL LIKE you are on an emotional rollercoaster ready to fly right off the edge? I KNOW you're OUT THERE, and these INTENSE EMOTIONS are TEMPORARY and UNREAL to begin with. This blog is ONLY up here NOW to HELP those of you who NEED to SEE that - SEE THAT, really!
I wrote this article awhile back that tries to describe HOW I saw Twilight as a dream turned sexual fantasy rehashed in ignorance. I wrote this BEFORE I heard that Stephenie Meyer basically STRONG-ARMED her LAST book on us (the publisher apparently didn't want to publish Breaking Dawn, THAT's why it's SO BAD), so you will see a significant difference in my attitude towards her between then and now for that reason, ha!
But I didn't put THIS PART in there because I thought it would be "too much" for you. But THIS is what *I* saw in *my* "harsh reality" awakening-out-of-my-obsession Twilight moment...
The VERY FIRST graphic image that popped into my brain as these two thoughts were swirling through my head:
WHY am I SO HUNG UP on this story?
WHY would anyone WRITE it this way?
SUDDEN IMAGE: A dreary, boring motel room with a full-on camera-view of a couple sitting up in bed (under the covers, nothing "too graphic" is shown) who have obviously just finished having sex. The WOMAN is a very satisfied-looking Stephenie Meyer with a freshly-f*cked hairdo and a SHITTY, cheese-eating SMIRK on her face. The guy is sort of a strange, empty-looking, shallow-shell of Robert Pattinson. HE is almost completely emotionless in the vision - maybe a little sad.
I could NEVER think about Twilight the WAY I had before - after that image (along with ALL that OTHER stuff) started to downpour into my head. I WANTED to love Twilight the way it was, I really did...
But I just COULD NOT, knowing - NOT ONLY why/how Steph wrote Twilight like this; but what *I* was doing with him in my mind, AND what EVERYONE ELSE OUT HERE is/has OBVIOUSLY been doing with him ALL THIS TIME in their minds, as well.
I LOVED the character of Edward Cullen AND his gorgeous ALTER-EGO! Yes, I was HORRIFIED about what I was realizing *I* and MANY of US OLDER TWIHARDS WHO WERE FAMILIAR WITH VAMPIRES had been doing with him ALL THIS TIME in our MINDS!!
This is something I could have gotten past easily enough... I NOW know that MANY women out here ALREADY KNOW all of this "Stephenie Meyer's sexual fantasy" stuff and have WILLINGLY brushed it aside - even if *I* can't IMAGINE HOW they can DO THAT (especially SINCE this is supposed to be a story for YOUNG impressionable GIRLS).
BUT, when I started surfing the web for research on this subject and coming across ALL those OTHER debunked Twihards - MANY of them YOUNG GIRLS - that's when this blog went from being "just a vent" for me and became a SCREAM. I felt an INTENSE NEED to get this information across to the rest of you out here because I WAS SO SURE that you couldn't possibly ALREADY KNOW about ALL THESE OTHER BROKEN HEARTS, LoL!
MOST Twilight Fans who were debunked by Breaking Dawn's storyline and/or disappointed with the ending were simply MAD for awhile. Some of them poked fun at "SMeyer" and her ARMY of TWITARDS (as they became known).
But OTHERS of them were SAD, and SOME of them were VERY SAD (kinda like some of our girls are out here, now)... I've watched girls who didn't look older than 13 or 14 in TEARS on YouTube videos over Breaking Dawn. SOME fans felt a need to REWRITE the ENTIRE SAGA - all FOUR books - can you IMAGINE going through that kind of effort for something like The Twilight Saga?
WHY would any of them DO THAT?
Maybe because they LOVED and/or were OBSESSED with Twilight/Edward Cullen/Bella Swan/Jacob Black and NEEDED to make their FAVORITE FAIRYTALE MAKE SENSE to THEM in their MINDS?!
We all had BROKEN HEARTS over Stephenie's unbelievable storylines in Breaking Dawn BECAUSE we KNEW VAMPIRES; and SHE didn't seem to be remotely CURIOUS about them MUCH LESS love and appreciate them like we did (as demonstrated by her SMUG UNWILLINGNESS to admit to anything and/or CORRECT/change her unbelievable baby storyline within her BLOCKBUSTER movies) - DOUBLE INSULT/WHAMMY.
Before I knew the ending of The Twilight Saga, I would OFTEN wonder just HOW the author could have written such an OBVIOUSLY-sexually-intense "fairytale" for young girls. At THAT point in time, I was clueless and I thought she MUST be BRILLIANT!
I was ASSUMING that Stephenie Meyer had ACTUALLY DONE this... You know, written something SO PRETTY for YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE GIRLS. I believed her to possess the HIGH TALENT that you all insisted that she had. And I STILL DO, believe it or not!
In my opinion, The Twilight Saga was just an erroneously, unprofessionally-published DRAFT of a manuscript. Stephenie Meyer was just rushing in excitement to the BIG BANG, that's why she didn't do any research OR take the TIME to flesh out our BELOVED BELLA's character for us (which is THE REASON why so many of us are so damn obsessed). Twilight COULD have been a DAMN COOL STORY if she had JUST taken the time to write it RIGHT.
After all, she was FINALLY getting PAID like a PROFESSIONAL to WRITE for a WORLD FULL of people who LOVED the concept of Vampires LONG BEFORE Stephenie's once-in-a-lifetime dream EVER sparkled in her head!
In MY opinion... She SHOULD pick MIDNIGHT SUN back up and DO this story RIGHT. Stephenie Meyer OWES it to ALL of her FANS as far as I'm concerned - whether they agree with me, or not. ESPECIALLY since she is a GROWN-UP who ALSO spent YEARS in COLLEGE toward a LITERARY degree. She's GOT to KNOW probably BETTER than ANYONE just HOW BAD her silly saga is.
THIS is where *my* anger toward Stephenie Meyer, herself, comes into play. She KNOWS and SO DO her "professional" book publishers and movie production studios! With ALL THIS STUFF I've got collected along the side of this blog - HOW COULD THEY NOT KNOW?!
You DO NOT get a book series published, made into movies and TURNED into a "PHENOMENON" like this - DESPITE ALL this PAST STATIC - without MAJOR UNDERHANDED MARKETING TECHNIQUES that TARGET the MOST PROFITABLE (and VULNERABLE) demographics of our population - YOUNG GIRLS and WOMEN!
This is specifically WHY this blog has been continued
My FIRST Initial Reaction to Kristen & Robert's
SPIN Around the GAME of LIFE WHEEL!
Talks about WHY it is NOW important for us girls
to realize HOW our Twilight addictions developed.