Those Maddening Twilight Movies – EXPLAINED!

This is my very FIRST original blog post in here that talks about Stephenie Meyer's sexual fantasy that was left glaring throughout The Twilight Saga. And this is a much better and more recent update regarding that if THAT is what you are looking for - although this post will introduce you to how someone could ORIGINALLY come up with something like this out of Twilight. :)

11/30/11 - 1st, Original Post

COMMENTS from the CROWD - Love Me or Hate Me

Yeah, I Can Explain Why Us Girls Are NUTS about Twilight...
*Please keep in mind that I'm NEW and I am a Twilight MOVIE Fan - I hadn't read these books before I wrote this post. That's why it doesn't sound like I know what I'm talking about in places - it's actually pretty funny because of that. I was so CLUELESS.

I started writing this within 3 or 4 hours of my "revelation", so its a little "hot". I've actually went through a couple of times and toned it down some, but I can't completely rewrite it - this is "what the experience of Twilight did to me". Maybe it will help you to see all this more clearly... 

There were a couple months between when I discovered the ending of Breaking Dawn - then LATER realized it was an amateur writer's sexual fantasy (which is the day I wrote this post). I didn't do a very good job of making that point in here, originally. That info is in this blog, later. I was TRYING to accept the baby until I realized WHY everyone was so 'into' her. ;)

Additionally, I wrote this BEFORE I knew about "New Moon" or "Eclipse" not originally being part of the story of Twilight; AND before I knew about Stephenie Meyer, herself, pushing her last book on us against her publisher's wishes - so my attitude toward her is MUCH NICER than my blog is toward her, now.
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We girls LOVE stories about Vampires; and for 30ish years, I have been into just about every Vampire genre that has come out including "The Count" on Sesame Street... One Twilight Movie, Two Twilight Movies, Thhrrreeee Twilight Movies, FOUR Twilight Movies..!

I'm not entirely sure what it is about the subject of Vampires that fascinates us girls, but I suspect it has something to do with what we want in the dream guy that each of us has been concocting in our fantasies ever since we first became aware that we were eventually supposed to go out and find him!

Despite the fact that they are "not real", most of us are familiar enough with Vampire lore to easily accept the concept of them as having dangerous, unquenchable - DESIRES!

We love that in whatever form the guy takes, really – Beast from Beauty & the Beast, James Bond 007, Steve McQueen (both humans, btw), Pepe Le Pew… Desire is HOT, and Vampires (OH, Brad Pitt!) have always been a really good fantasy conduit to express that for us.

The mysterious phenomenon of Twilight lies within these crevices of female desires... Because if the movies of Twilight did nothing else, they put a glaring spotlight on the incredibly-wanting-woman epidemic.

And no, we don’t care how much we embarrass ourselves or our gender while we’re in the middle of something that makes us feel so damn good and far from ourselves - we'll become insanely ROBsessed!

We'll camp for days, scream & grope like crazy people at the actors (making their lives miserable); and generally turn into rabid fools over a make-believe fantasy!

Alot of Twi-hard fans are married women with children – a fact that they are more than happy to tell you all about when you talk with them, like it’s a bonding thing. In fact, these stories were written by a married woman with children…

I’ve read Stephenie Meyer’s site where she talks about the dream she had that inspired Twilight; and I suppose I could be wrong, but it sure sounded to me like she was in a typically monotoned, fulfilling-yet-stressfully-all-encompassing existence of “domestic real life" when Twilight came upon her.

This story was no-doubt a respite from that for her at times; and kudos to her for being courageous enough to expose the full monte of her fascinating fantasies with us so that we could all partake in them, too!

Yeah, I mean that as sarcastic as I may sound... It's always hard to "put yourself out there"; and as unhappy as I am about how the storyline plays out - it isn't like I haven't gotten anything good out of the Twilight Saga series. I loved the very first Twilight movie and the second one was Ok - I'll always have those.

I'm willing to bet that, because us older women (35+ in my case - not that "we're old") are probably so much more wanting in our lives; we are more passionate Twilight fans beyond that of the average adolescent girls that these stories are supposedly aimed for – and no, this is not a bad thing. It’s just a reality…

That’s what movies are supposed to do. Movies like Twilight help fill in where we are craving, and provide an escape from the reality of real life where this kind of all-encompassing, unconditional love that we desire so much rarely rears its beautiful head, and when it does, seldom lasts forever…

You want to know what women love about Twilight? That’s it in a nutshell, honest & straightforward as much as we hate to admit it to ourselves - and even less so to our significant others. It speaks to the core of our deepest desires – desires that most of us will never have or experience at the level our beloved Bella gets to!

Twilight as "Mommy-Porn"

I've heard Twilight called "mommy porn" – that may very well be true. If men could see the way we women really fantasize in such intricate, emotionally detailed phases - most of them would die of boredom long before they reach the reason why we do this - the incredibly amazing fanfare finale! To us girls, however, it puts their sick piles of dimwitted graphic porn to shame.

The entire Twilight Saga is just a story, but it could just as well be a research sex study - because it is a really good example of a female sexual fantasy being played out up on a huge movie screen in a slow, story-tease just like we do in our heads.

And the sexual part of the fantasy doesn't begin with Breaking Dawn at the end, like you'd think. It begins at the very beginning - the first time Bella & Edward's eyes meet. (Ok, maybe in this case, the very first time he smells her - ha!)

I've read in many places about how this movie is supposedly about abstinence... Well, Bella may loose her virginity after she's married; but she's been in a long, smoldering foreplay for well over a year before that - YEAH, there are LOTS of sexual innuendos (among other things, admittedly) to keep us girls entertained all throughout Twilight!

It is EXACTLY how we women (at least, most of us, I would imagine) fantasize - YEAH, clothes stay ON for the majority of the sexual fantasy; they don't come off usually until the very end after we've whipped ourselves into a frenzy!

You want to know how women fantasize and what they fantasize about - watch Twilight, whether you like it, or not. You'll probably still hate it - after all, we hate alot of men's fantasies and despise their stupid porn.

But if you're really curious about us... stick it out. It is a blatant, stereotypical sexual female fantasy playing out right before your very eyes! You can replace the main loverboy, change the story, whatever... Analyze it, you'll come up with a template order of subtle sexual processes all designed to bring us the slowest tease with the biggest, mind-boggling BANG (broken headboard) at the end.

My point is... Our sexual fantasies can last for hours and sometimes days, weeks, months - not mere minutes. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what happened when Twilight was born in Stephenie Meyer's brain...

When she had her dream, it was a turnon for her... She just HAD to create a story surrounding the two main characters in order to create the sexual fantasy. And she does an amateur job of exposing our every female desire along the way (the generic ones, anyway) through the almost thoughtless storyline. You can tell this by the way so many women are still so nuts about this story - we are completely unable to deny it, it's like candy to us!

The only reason people see this story as "creative" is because of some of the unusual spins the author puts on her Vampires. But they aren't unusual because she was being creative; they're unusual because she was trying to make things fit into her silly sexual fantasy - not because she was trying to actually create a legitimate, fascinating story.

If that were the case, she would have actually researched Vampires before using them - but, she obviously wasn't nearly as interested in them as she would like us all to believe - even though it sounds like Edward was specifically distinguished as a Vampire in her precious dream. She was just rushing in mindless excitement to the "big bang" - which might work if you're not planning on sharing, I suppose.
 
Stephenie begins her unnecessarily long, winding story well enough - you can tell she was really into her sexual fantasy at the beginning. But then she was compelled for some reason to continue stretching it on and on and on; and the story becomes one massive mistake after another as she continues to write in complete ignorance. And I would even imagine that some of the members of the Quileute Tribe can't be very impressed with the liberties she has taken on their "real" culture. I know I wouldn't be...

And yeah, it is maddening... We girls love to be touched absolutely everywhere when we're in love - and as much on the inside as on the outside. Our fantasies expose that, clearly - and Stephenie Meyer does a really good job of revealing that (especially in the beginning) as long as you know what you're looking at...

All at the same time, Twilight tickles our inner little girl, our inner sex kitten, our inner future grown-up selves, our dreams, our desires... There's that word again.

How I Fell Through the Twilight Franchise Rabbit Hole

Yeah, I'm into Vampires, so when a friend suggested that I would love Twilight over a year ago, I listened... My friend is a gay guy whom I work with; and sometimes on a slower day we have time to talk about every dumb little thing that comes up. (One of the really cool things about gay men is that they are HAPPY to carry on long, complete conversations with you about just about anything – Thank You, Steve!)

When he realized that I was such a SciFi/Vampire nut, he was sure I would love Twilight. I'd heard of Twilight, of course, how could anyone not have heard of it - it was everywhere! But, I wasn’t very interested... I had reservations about the Vampires "sparkling in the sun". It just didn't sound right; I mean, come on...

One of the most memorable scenes out of a plethora of Vampire movies is in "Interview with the Vampire" when the little Vampire girl (played terrifyingly well by a young Kirsten Dunst) and her nanny – are killed by a blinding beam of sunlight pouring down into the hole of the dungeon, scream-howling in that shrill, eerie way Vampires do - Dust to Dust!

I simply wasn't sure if I wanted to make that leap to change the way Vampires traditionally are defined & perceived within my wonky brain. I mean, I know (of course) that they "aren't real"; but Vampire stories aren't new, and if you're a fan of the genre, their admittedly make-believe lore is pretty embedded in our heads.

My friend assured me that I would not mind the altercation... He of course had both movies that were out at the time, Twilight & New Moon, so he borrowed them to me - Eclipse was on the horizon to come out in a few months at the time I was introduced to Twilight.

I know that Twilight had a huge fan base before the movies because of the books - which is why the movies were made. But I would also imagine that many more people like me became fans after the movies started in a similar way that I did - someone insisted that you'd like it and so you watched it, and then you either fell in love with Twilight - or you didn't.

Well I definitely fell hard, head-over-heels in LOVE and NO, I didn't care at all about the sparkling Vampires - they were beautiful! I can list the profoundly swooning moments in order that turned me into a crazy person...

Edward's glare at Bella at the end of the scene in the lunchroom after Jessica & Angela introduce the Cullens; when he's staring at her in class afterwards trying not to give into his intense DESIRES; the car accident save; her "1st dream” about Edward EYES; Bella & Edward's conversations in the greenhouse & in the lunchroom the next day; the rape save and especially the dinner afterwards ("I don't have the strength to stay away from you, anymore."); and the one scene that nailed us all between the eyes has TWO sweet moves in it...

The tree-hovering scene when Edward tells Bella that she's like a drug to him... his "own personal brand of heroin" (OMG, can you imagine your lover gazing at you like that); and then shortly afterwards they are nestled into some rock formations in the forest that starts with him backing her up against the rock face and telling her, "You have to tell me what you're thinking" and then it ends with, "so the lion fell in love with the lamb..."

And the soundtrack for the original Twilight movie was just PERFECT throughout. There are more scenes that I could list of course (their FIRST KISS!), but I don’t want to sound like a gushing fan or anything... ; >

DAMN, I was in a FROTH by the time I got done with that first movie (just ask Steve!), and I - like so many of us - was suddenly madly in love with not only the character of Edward Cullen, but ROBERT PATTINSON - the guy who brought him to life for us!

Jeez, it was Brad Pitt & David Boreanaz all over again… Come bite me, Bonbon Boy! (On a side note, I am still very angry with DB for not finishing up with Angel - I've never seen an episode of "Bones" and I won't - ha!)

Yeah, as strange as it may seem to you, we older girls CAN get our panties in a twist over the beautiful young actor named Robert Pattinson (who, I think was only around 20ish at the time the original movie was made) – because Stephenie Meyer gave us all permission to do so, by putting the character of Edward Cullen in Vampire form in her sexual-fantasy-turned-innocent-adolescent-girl fairytale.

Think about it… He’s a Vampire who looks young but is over a century old; so he can easily fit into any age fantasy-overhead-storage-compartment and not seem “too old" or "too young” for anyone – and thus, this story can also easily be “written off” as being for adolescent young girls.

As a result, the character of Edward Cullen is a playmate, lover, mentor and guardian/father-figure (and a filthy rich one, at that) for Bella (and us!) all rolled into one – no matter what age the girl is who is fascinated with him.

He’s also the perfect fantasy guy for an older-someone who basically "wants to feel young, again"; AND he's disguised in a character that you can tell your sisters, girlfriends and their daughters about - and other people that you probably spend alot of time talking with, like your husband - without being embarrassed about expressing your needy frustrations, directly!

I'm sure this is the reason why the author obviously never put much (if any) Vampire research into Twilight; nothing else would have really "worked" for her - another alternative for her might have been aliens, you can do anything with them - they don't need research.

Just so you know, I'm not accusing Stephenie Meyer of anything. I'm sure she didn't mean to deceive us all into participating in her private fantasy life. It was probably a process as ridiculous & tedious as the "way we fantasize"; and by the time the big bang finally happened for her - who the hell was to care, but her?

No one, apparently.

Stephenie Meyer deserves credit for two things - 1) setting up an amazing story; and 2) filling it in with creative fantasy characters that tap into the core of where we live & breathe. As for the rest...

I suppose... Turning a sexual fantasy like this from a mere dream into an actual storyline and then a novel; and then another one and another one and another one; and then into a phenomenon like the Twilight Saga Movie Franchise is nothing to sneeze at. It no doubt took a whole hell of alot of time, thought and energy.

And she's got a bunch of my money and I've lost valuable time.

There.

MOVING ON... Twilight: New Moon Impressions

I've heard that some of the book fans didn't like the New Moon movie as much; and of course, Hollywood movie critics don't seem to like any of the movies at all. I think if you don't "get" the story and/or if you don't "want to get" the story, you won't - whatever, I am usually into stuff that most "critics" aren't into, anyway.

Personally, I liked New Moon... But I didn't read the books, so I can't speak to things like what may have been left out of the movie and shouldn't have been left out, etc. It wasn’t as much of a darling draw, but the movie was done well enough and convincingly enough that it made me look forward to Eclipse coming out. I wanted to see "what happened next".

The only negative thing that really sticks out in my mind about New Moon is that the Vampires were pasty white and unattractive, which I found both surprising and annoying - it interfered with my perception of them this time around. I would have thought this film had a bigger budget, and since the original Twilight didn't seem to have an issue with costume makeup, why would this one? Oh, well.

Of course, it was still a few months before I had to wait for Eclipse - which also turned out to have pretty pasty-faced Vampires; and correct me if I'm wrong (I know you will), but in the trailers, they still look pretty white & pasty in Breaking Dawn, too. Whatever happened to the pale-ultraviolet, almost translucent-looking skin they all had in the original Twilight movie?

During the boiling build-up for Eclipse to come out, my curious fascination rose, and I researched Twilight a bit more. I read about how author Stephenie Meyer came up with the story based on a sparkly, romantic dream that she had. I visited fan sites and got the scoop about "what was going to be happening next in Eclipse", etc.

I remember thinking that it sounded odd that Jacob was going to become some sort of kink in a triangle; but there were obvious hints toward that in New Moon, so I figured the movies would take things further and make things make sense.

Twilight: Eclipsed in Confusion

By the time Eclipse finally came out, I had purchased both previous Twilight movies and watched them several times over; my desktop had my most recently uploaded favorite uber-sexy Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson image on it (the one where Edward is stepping out into the meadow at the beginning of Bella's dream in New Moon in that long coat with that LOOK, ha!); and my co-worker had taken the time to create a circulating screen image gallery of Twilight on our work computer desktop in celebration - we were ready!

I was the first one to check out Eclipse about two weeks after it was released. I was excited to see it, but really not into crowds; so I waited until a weekday afternoon matinee that I thought would be less crazy - it was and I was glad I waited. My heart was pounding in anticipation!

I had been reading all the bad reviews the critics were giving it (since it was almost impossible to find a good one); and I was frankly angry and even downright obstinate about them - like I said earlier, I'm not into critics' opinions. They didn't like the first two Twilight movies, why would they like this one?

And, the critics never seemed to give the actors in the series a fair shake, either. Frankly, I thought Robert Pattinson did a wonderful job in both Little Ashes & Remember me - I cried at the end of both! And I've always enjoyed Kristen's movies; and being a huge Joan Jett fan, I loved the Runaways and can't wait to see her in "On The Road" - she looks great! The critics were not in the room with me - not even sort of!

So I started watching Eclipse (in an IMAX theater, of course) in great anticipation pretty much like everyone else... And I watched; and as I did, I started sitting at the edge of my seat waiting for the romantic vibes and zingers that I was SO craving (with or without sparkles, mind you)... And by the time the movie was over, I was still sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for them. To say that I was disappointed would be a considerable understatement. (There were three older ladies sitting behind me, however - all of whom were sniffling.)

I know there was alot of action in Eclipse that just "had" to be made as big as possible because for some reason (and notably, the only exception to their “we’re making these movies just for the book fans” stance); the studio decided that they wanted the guys who were being dragged along to the movies to have some fun, too.

Frankly, I'd rather watch these movies with my girls, I could have cared less about the guys - this movie was supposed to be for ME! WHERE was my magical romance?!

Even the proposal seemed a little flat when it happened - Bella had seemed almost indifferent to both Edward & Jacob throughout; and the Jacob-Bella kiss at the end wasn’t at all convincing. It never seemed to me like Bella was ever even in love with Jacob, so the kiss seemed forced – although the hyped buildup was definitely there.

The scene toward the end where Bella tells Jacob something like, her “not considering her feelings for him because she knew they wouldn’t change anything” did seem to bring a bit of closure for me as far as those two were concerned, though – that was a good.

I also REALLY appreciated the very end of the movie when Bella is telling Edward about her decision to marry him. “This wasn’t a decision between you and Jacob, it was about who I should be and who I am”, she tells him.

This scene is at the heart of what I think most of us girls adore about the Twilight Saga, aside from the love story – a young girl who has recognized and figured out who she is and what she really needs out of her life - and has the courage to both go after it and claim it, no matter what the consequences. That’s just plain ‘ol hard to do, no matter how old you are.

And don't you just wish your life could have started out so clear and magical at that young of an age - and with your perfect (rich) lifemate already solidly at your side forever, to boot!

Yeah, it's an idyllic fantasy for us - sexual and otherwise, at this point. But Prince Charming was always that way... He swept us off our feet (usually after rescuing us as an incredibly beautiful damsel in distress) - and then we got married, had babies and lived happily ever after...

But, those two poignant scenes seem to be so minor in Eclipse the movie… almost like they were afterthoughts added in later. And they come so far at the end (where else would they come?); that you have to sit through almost two whole hours of fluffy stuff to see them, and they don’t come off nearly as profound or romantic as I would imagine they were originally meant to be.

However, since the DVD has come out and I've had the chance to review the scenes that were deleted - if every one of those scenes had been left in the movie, I think it would have made so much more sense for me.

They show Bella struggling with her decision between her two guys – that would have made the Jacob-Bella kiss a little more convincing. And the last scene with Edward that was left out after the big Jacob-Bella kiss that features his entire response seemed to even have a little bit of that "romantic magic" that I had been missing so much.

I don’t understand why they would have been cut, when they could have easily left them in; and cut all that whopping time down from the opening scene of the movie where we watched Victoria’s prodigy run around the Seattle waterfront in fear for far too long.

And those are only the scenes I know about, how many more scenes are missing that really would have told the story for me the way I was expecting and craving to see it?

"Read The Books, Jack*ss!"

Fans of the books of course LOVED LOVED LOVED Eclipse and I couldn't figure out why for awhile - surely they were as disappointed as I was about the missing magic?

I found myself up on the fansites again, reading their reviews. A few didn't think it was perfect, but Twilight book fans are extra-forgiving, so even they seemed to love it in the end.

When I put up my own post suggesting that I thought the movie was lacking, I also mentioned that I hadn't read the books. I promptly received all kinds of passionate, nasty replies along the lines of, "read the books, jack*ss!", and “don't judge it until you've read it!”

And you know, they kind of have a point... Even though I didn’t think I should HAVE to read the books; their memories from reading the books obviously filled in a lot of what was missing and/or didn’t make sense to those of us who had watched the movies but hadn’t read the books (*whew*) – and I wanted to “get it” all!

But for the record… I didn’t have to read any of the Batman or Spiderman comics to “get” those movies; I've never read any of Jane Austin's books (although I tried) and I LOVE those movies; and since we are on the subject of Vampires... I haven’t read any of the “Sookie Stackhouse” novels that are the basis for the “True Blood” series; and I’ve never read either "Dracula" or "Interview with the Vampire", which are probably two of my favorite Vampire movies.

However, most books that are made into movies do lack because of the limitations of transforming both subtle & obvious details onto a movie screen. We've all complained about our favorite books "not being done right" as movies, right?

So what did I do, next? I dumped even more money into their already heavy pockets and bought all four Twilight novels at once from Amazon - fully intending to read them.

I should add that during this time, I also discovered that Stephenie Meyer had started writing Twilight from Edward's perspective with "Midnight Sun", and I did read that - it was a good read that explained A LOT. It made the story alot more rich and fascinating for me... I fell even more in love with Edward Cullen!

Honestly, the general Twilight story itself is beautiful and the entire Twilight Saga could easily have ended there at the end of Eclipse (even with the confusion and romantic let-down); leaving Bella & Edward to live their lives “Happily Ever After” (we probably would have needed to include the wedding) - just like I like my fairytales to end with the rest of the story sort of simmering in my neverending fantasies.

But by some inexplicable somehow, tragedy struck.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Reality BITES!

When the books arrived, I tore open the box and pulled them out, frantically reading over the book jackets to get a summary of the story like I do... I was smiling big and even looking forward to reading all the details surrounding the as-yet-unbelievable-to-me-triangle-twist with Jacob (how would Breaking Dawn ever have made sense to me without understanding "the triangle"; especially now that I know what the author does with his character at the end?)...

...and then I picked up the last book in the series, Breaking Dawn.

My heart sped up again with a little excitement when I started reading the summary… I had been curious about the final Twilight book, but pretty good in resisting the temptation to learn too much ahead about the storyline because I wanted to be at least a little surprised by the time it came out in theaters - silly me.

But with the book in my hand, I couldn’t resist taking a peek at “what was to come”… Where would the author take these two oddball lovebirds after they were married and how would Bella be changed into a Vampire? (I was pretty sure that was going to happen at some point, but that was just a guess on my part.)

They have a baby?!?!

*GASP!*

I couldn't have read that right, I thought… But of course, this is Hollywood and anything can happen. I took a couple of deep breaths and gathered my ridiculously hysterical self… After all, Angel did manage to have a Son with a little help from the Fates and magic; but generally speaking - there is NOTHING within Vampires that can procreate, they are DEAD bodies - EVEN by the author's own words, over and over again Edward warns Bella that she will die!

And I'm not even a super-duper Vampire lore fanatic (Vampire, The Masquerade, for example)... Those people go so far as to say that a male Vampire can't even get it up because there is no blood flow to the sex organs! Both Twilight and True Blood would be doomed if that were the make-believe case!

It was one of the reasons why Angel (a vamp with a soul) left human vampire-slayer Buffy in the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" series - because he could never give her children (even if he could have boinked her - and Oh yeah, and he couldn't "take her into the sunlight".) He would never have run off and gotten his own show in LA if that had been possible!

I skimmed through the book a bit looking for specifics; but it was pretty thick and I wanted an answer NOW. So, I continued my research online to see if I could find out exactly what the explanation was that the author had surely devised. I was certain some overzealous fan would have the scoop... Because at this point, I HAD to know, even if it spoiled the entire ending for me - I didn't care, the story just HAD to make sense for me!

But No, it doesn’t... Really, I did the research and even double-checked on a few passages in the books, Edward & Bella have a baby - for no apparent reason that I can see beyond "that's what young, adolescent girls are supposed to want to fantasize about" - and it was obviously, still Stephenie Meyer's fantasy. She created every single "special little thing" about Vampires in the Twilight story - after she had this fantasy in her head, in order to make it "work for us", too.

GOD, they even put out yet another "Twilight" book about the specifics on this "special world" she's created! Does that make her a creative person - yeah, in an amateur kind of way! In many ways, it was probably harder for her to make up all these "special details" after the fact - in order for the storyline to work for us outside of her own head.

According to Twilight book fans (and the author, of course) the vampire-human baby is just an anomaly that we're all supposed to accept as being part of the Stephenie-Meyer-created world of Vampires because that's how the goddess wrote it - because she was supposedly such a creative genius. That's what Twi-hard fans of the books tell themselves; because they'd probably all rather die than admit to the real reason...

We girls, especially, are taught throughout our lives starting at a very young age - in both direct and indirect ways - that finding a good husband, having children and raising a family is pretty much our worth in life; and I can only guess that Stephenie Meyer couldn't envision these characters in any other kind of storyline beyond this inane, misfitted one.

She could have done anything with these beautiful characters and taken us on any number of adventures with them in so many mind-boggling ways, but this is what she came up with... "And they get married, have a baby and live happily ever after"!

This is the 21st century, and our fairytales are no longer required to end this way. Not that there would be anything at all wrong with this simple, predictable scenario - but to force it into a story where it absolutely does not make sense, just to have a baby in the mix because "that's what young girls are supposed to want"... Is SO WRONG, not to mention, SAD!

No, I'm not anti-babies - I love babies and they are completely beside the point at the moment. I'm sure that Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2 will be about as adorable as they can possibly be, especially with a cute little kid in the mix.

It's just that the baby doesn't belong in there; and many of us "movie-fans" who were unaware of this major storyline malfunction until it was too late are a little disconnected from the flock - and believe it or not, we don’t WANT to be disconnected! We’re as in love with these characters as much as you all are; and we want to love and accept this story as wholeheartedly as you do - really!

BELIEVE ME, if there is any one thing that could have gotten me to the movie theater; it was that headboard scene that's been playing in the Breaking Dawn trailers - YEAH, even I'm surprised; not even the pure joy (probably because it's not quite so "pure" for me, anymore) of watching Robert Pattinson in his Edward Cullen persona could bring me to go!

Because, adding sparkles in the sun was one thing... Completely reinventing Vampires and ignoring both their fundamental physical makeup and lore was; in my opinion for whatever it’s worth - irresponsible of both the author for failing to research the lore of this specialty genre and/or simply rejecting it; and the studio who allowed this story to be told in movie form with such a glaring defect without fixing it, first. All Stephenie needed was a little help, she was obviously out of her element. Hell, they could have hooked her up with Anne Rice!

For those of you Twilight “book fans" that I have infuriated just now for “not getting a life”, “not lightening up” or “analyzing too much” - What can I say; I can see right through this silly charade and I have a higher standard. The story isn't good enough in its current form - not nearly. You can yell at me, here.

Yeah, I am heartbroken... Truly. My suspension of belief was totally shattered with the revelation of the Breaking Dawn vamp-baby storyline. I was actually MAD at Steve for awhile for turning me onto this suddenly-turned-stupid story. But it turned out that he didn't know about it either and was just as surprised, so I forgave him easily enough.

I didn’t read the Twilight books after that, they are still sitting on the shelf – more money wasted. Since there was no reasonable explanation for this mind-boggling mistake in the story, there was no point for me to read about it, right?

And yeah, I’m REALLY glad that I didn’t waste hours/days/weeks of my precious time reading the books earlier – By the time I would have found out about that vamp-baby; I would have been LIVID about that much time “just gone” from my life for such a dumb reason.

If you were someone who put in the hours reading the books and then found yourself as defunked and outraged as I was by this erroneous twist in the story (I know you're out there, I've read your cries, too) - you have my sympathies.

Coming to Terms with Twilight...

Now more time has gone by and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is a reality in theaters. The critics still hate it for the same reasons, and the Twi-hard book fans still love it unconditionally for the same reasons. As for me, I’m still just as disappointed - and just as annoyingly curious…

Even though I know how the story ends and I hate the ending; I’m still probably going to have to watch Breaking Dawn at some point - mostly because I am simply missing my favorite characters. (I actually tried to bring myself to go see it on Thanksgiving Day, but I just couldn't do it.)

I am now convinced, that most of us love this saga not because "the adolescent young girl inside of us seems to be so inspired by it" – but because the characters themselves in the story are what make Twilight so irresistible.

It's not just Edward and Bella, it's every single friend and family member in the mix - even the bad guys (James! Victoria! Aro!) - the way they interact with each other, the Cullen Family dynamics, the way Edward treats Bella so consistently as precious – this is what we’re drawn to - frankly, because those are the detailed fantasy elements within the story that we women really get hung up on within our own inner-fantasy lives.

The story itself - wrought with lame, painful dialog and wildly fabricated scenarios – is almost beside the point. We women would have fallen in love with these characters no matter what storylines - or fantasies - they were poured into.

Stephenie got "hung up" on her precious characters; and being their creator, she couldn't change anything about them! As a woman (and an amateur writer, myself)... even though I am very angry with the way this story has been treated by the studio - I can't blame her, this could have just as easily have happened to me. And jeez, if it ever does... I sure as hell HOPE that someone takes the time to fix my obviously amateur mistakes before serving it up "out here".

Too Bad, The Twilight Movies Were Never Meant for Us “Twilight Movie Fans”

So… this is how I’ve managed to convince myself to find some peace within the story of Twilight so that I still may be able to watch Breaking Dawn someday (after Steve buys it on DVD - yeah, I can wait) despite my incredible disappointment with it.

But still, I really do feel quite cheated by the creators of this beautiful story who took so many pains to draw people like me into their franchise from outside of their precious book fanbase.

We “non-book” fans pretty much get shoved into the same space as the evil critics who refuse to give any of the Twilight movies or actors an objective review. We’re the black sheep of Twilight - wannabee fans as offensive as any know-it-all movie reviewer: the movie-only fans.

These movies were definitely made “just for the fans of the books” - everyone surrounding these movies from studio heads, to the various directors, the author, the screenwriter, the actors, the fans of the books - have all reiterated that over and over again.

It just didn't feel like it was such a snub at the time, because I guess I would have thought that I would have wanted the movie version to be true to the original story up on a movie screen. How was I to know?

There is a part of me that is utterly bewildered that no studio executive - no one who read the story all the way to the end before it was made into a movie - thought anything about how dysfunctional the story is - apparently, money was the only thing on everyone's mind. What a shocker.

Vampire movies have been around for awhile (Once upon a time... Vampires in movies used to actually be ugly and evil, and you ran screaming from them in terror). I just find it so hard to believe that not one person knew about this significant piece of Vampire lore and how unbelievable it would make the story; and if that is the case, then what the hell are they doing making Vampire movies if they don’t know anything about them?!

I know they were aiming for young girls, but they could have done a MUCH better job for them if they were so concerned; and frankly - they seriously missed their mark! You don't make movies (or books for that matter) just for young girls... You make them for their mothers, aunts and grandmothers, too.

We all grew up and fell in love with Disney/Grim fairytales, Soap Operas and Star Wars... And you know damn well we often viewed and/or went with our mothers, and now we watch them with our daughters and their friends; AND we're usually the ones forking out the dough for the movie, the DVD, the t-shirts, the cute Bella-ring, etc.

SHAME on you ALL for excluding us!

I have honestly never felt this way about any other movie I've ever watched before - like it wasn't meant for me and what the hell business did I ever have of watching it in the first place.

Believe me, I never would have wasted my time with Twilight had I known... I know, it's silly, but what can I say... I take my fantasies as seriously as any other girl out there!

It would have been really nice if Summit would have marketed the movies in a way that let me know that I didn't need to waste my time & energy thinking it was such a neat little flick... “You’ll Hate the Twilight Saga if You’re at all into Traditional Vampire Lore”, would have been a catchy, helpful slogan - but then, they wouldn't have gotten any money out of me.

And while it is, of course, unreasonable for us to expect that kind of honest, straightforward marketing; my preferred solution would have been for them to write the screenplays and shoot the movies in such a way that could have included the ENTIRE Twilight fanbase – INCLUDING those of us who were falling in love with the series as the movies were being made, and who didn’t have a conveniently-embedded memory to fill in their shortcomings.

It wouldn't even had been a stretch to alter the ending a bit (or altogether, even) so that it jived with Vampire lore - so that we could have all enjoyed it to the very end!

The people getting paid to make these movies alter storylines all the time in order to make them fit into a movie (you know Twilight was altered; that's how they edited Eclipse "toward the guys") - as a result, sometimes they make decisions that people who have previously read the book don't like.

But they do it so that the storyline makes sense to movie-watchers who haven't read the book - and the people who have helmed this franchise have failed, miserably!

I mean, It's NO WONDER why so many non-Twilight people go on and on about the story being so lame and stupid - it has no respect in the world because the storyline is seriously dysfunctional, and blatantly so - it isn't good enough for general Human consumption! SOMEONE should have recognized that and taken the time to correct it.

I'm sure no one involved in making these movies will be losing any sleep over my opinion, however... Not with the boatloads of money in their bank accounts.

Where This NON-Book Twilight Movie Fan Stands, Now...

Even still after all this… I will admit that I am semi-looking forward to the last installment of these movies, even if the big story jist is a train wreck for me... I can stretch; I managed to get past the silly sparkly vamps in the first place, didn't I?

I’d always assumed that Bella would be turned into a Vampire, and I think Kristen Stewart probably had a lot of fun playing that part to the edge. I'm hoping it will be a fun little romp. I'm not holding my breath, but it is the one sliver left out of the story that I am interested in watching.

Besides, with the release of the Twilight movies, Stephenie Meyer also released these characters out into the atmosphere; and now we're free to imagine them in all kinds of fantasylines that both titillate us AND make sense - what a concept!

There is no changing the ending/baby thing since that is set in stone, no matter how much I could just cry over it… So I guess I’ll just have to watch the damn movie, and probably fall in love with the little she-vamp-hybrid next, whether I like it or not. And in the meantime, I find it a fun little exercise to think up my own alternative endings...

Each of these alternative Twilight endings is listed in the other Twilight Fan blog, "A Different Twilight" as comments so you can comment and/or add onto them - please do! But here is a short-list so that we've got something to "move onto from here" for those of us who need it - DEFINITELY add your own if you so DESIRE... Let's give our young girls something to really sink their teeth into!

8) A Twilight TV Series About Renesmee's Life!
If only they could make the ending believable, I would LOVE to watch this!

1) The Token Sci-Fi Ending - An Alternative Universe!
This ending is probably the most fun that I've come up with; and probably reveals our Twilight storyline frustrations the most!

2) Edward Can't Resist from the Beginning!
We think he's tortured now...

3) KEEP the Cute Little Vamp-Baby!
Just figure out a way to do it that makes sense... You may have to come up with a different climax for your story, but awwww... We do love babies!

4) Edward Isn't a Vampire!
What else could he possibly be?!

5) Bella is from the TRIBE - and She's "Got the Gene"!
I know, she wouldn't be a cute little white girl anymore (heaven forbid!)... But she'd have SO many more direct, believable problems to deal with - that wouldn't have had to have been so wildly invented.

6) Bella Chooses Someone ELSE (maybe) - OMG!
Step up to the plate, Team Jacob...  Your turn!

7) Vampires in SPACE!
Ok, so I'm a space Sci-Fi nut, too - It could work..!

Thank You for Listening to My Twilight Rant!

And THANK YOU STEVE for the pretty poem, "Make it Bleed"!

So, if you're still reading this rambling lament about my broken Twilight heart, Thank You - it has been a much-needed, cathartic vent for me - outrageous & silly, but cathartic.

If you've been paying attention, you've learned that Twilight basically pulls back a deceptively-guarded veil, potentially revealing the mysteries of womankind across the globe. I'm not so sure that you were entirely prepared to learn that we're even more complicated than you might have thought we were, but there you are.

If you're someone who is thinking about trying to watch Twilight now to "get more insight into the sexual drivings of the female human brain"; three things 1) You might want to read the books instead of just watching the movies if you think you can handle it - simply because I'm sure the movies are missing too much for them to make sense much past the very first Twilight movie without them; 2) Definitely check out "Midnight Sun" - the unfinished version of Twilight from Edward's perspective. It will tell you an awful lot about "what we like our fantasy-guy to be thinking - especially one like Edward Cullen who can READ MINDS and tell you what everyone else in the story is thinking" - yeah, we go into that much detail in our inner-fantasy lives sometimes; and 3) try not to get too hung up on the topical details of what is going on while you're watching the movie (and probably reading the book too, I don't know).

Because while I can't explain to you why or how; the things that are really tantalizing us onscreen, are not necessarily actually being seen up on the screen. And many times, the factual events surrounding the scene have nothing to do with what is stroking us inside - but they can also be exactly the thing that is driving us crazy.

Ha, Sorry - even we can't completely take the mystery out of it for you!

COMMENTS from the CROWD - Love Me or Hate Me

CLICK HERE to jump to my 2nd blog post (its alot shorter), "My 1st Post is an Overreaction - I Know!" In which I "try" to explain a bit more after I'm calmer and try even HARDER to LET all this silly stuff GO.