Twihard Fan Movie Review of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 TWIST: What's Wrong with this movie? ONLY someone who used to LOVE it can tell you!!

The 'Official' Reasonings Behind
What All is Wrong with The Twilight Saga
- starting with the hybrid baby

This is my generic, "What's Wrong with Stephenie's Vampires" Post

before I got around to watching these two final movies.

And btw, *I* have NOTHING but KUDOS for
the entire cast of The Twilight Saga.
- This movie review doesn't mean a thing surrounding them.

I'm inserting this Movie Review of Breaking Dawn Part 1 here at the top because it is ALSO done by a couple of Twihards - BUT, it is a FAR more fun read for you than what I've got below. I try to throw little bits of humor in here every once in awhile to help make the heat seem maybe not quite so hot.

It might be a little hard for you to read since it is in the format of a chat exchange - but it's ADORABLE and adorably-irreverent at times. It was one of the things that made it possible for me to watch through this movie - in fact, I read it several times during the three days I was trying to get through it. They made it possible for me to be able to laugh at it.

Thanks Cool Twihard Chicks - I KNEW you were out there!

For the fun of it, here's a splash from their review - in honor of all this stupid 'Robsten' PR crap:

Natasha: She looked lovely.
Mary: I feel like even Bella haters can't even front.
Natasha: I have become a total Kristen Stewart partisan. Like, I support her.
Mary: Oh, go on.
Natasha: I think this b*tch is trying her HARDDDDDESSST to give Bella Swan some depth, hesitation, anxiety. She's up there acting her 90-pound body up into something semi-substantial, So respect.
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de·bunk /diˈbəNGk/ Verb Expose the falseness or hollowness of (a myth, idea, or belief). Reduce the inflated reputation of (someone), esp. by ridicule: "comedy takes delight in debunking heroes".

In my opinion, nothing more completely and clearly reveals how dysfunctional this saga is, than the movie Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1.

For those of you who don't like to read:

Link to the 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn Does NOT Suck'

YouTube Video Channel DEBUNKING BDp1 & BDp2

by 2008/2009 Twilight Fans. The 1st review is also a
BDp1 movie review by a disappointed Twilight Fan;
but she actually read all the books and it is the
most relatable review. Btw, #10 - #13 are mine. ;)

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This movie review of Breaking Dawn is finally complete and concludes with a couple of questions for Stephenie Meyer:

1) Why (specifically) do the Vampires within the Twilight Saga need to drink blood? It appears that you created a story about BLOODLESS Vampires... An Oxymoron.

They are changed from Humans to Vampires via VENOM, and afterwards their bodies are solid and not blood-based. One wonders if their bodies are so solid, how can they even swallow blood to begin with? How does the blood sink into their tissues? What do they need it for? Just because you say that's what they are? Your Vampires do not appear to need blood at all - for anything.

2) Where the HECK are Edward's pretty SPARKLES that you made such a big, damn HAIRY deal about him just HAVING to HAVE because of your precious dream?! WASN'T that supposed to be the REASON we were all supposed to pass all the dysfunction you wrote into your storyline off?! Edward JUST HAD to SPARKLE, but for SOME strange reason - you weren't concerned AT ALL about him HAVING to be a VAMPIRE!

UPDATE 3/6/13 - REVIEW OF TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART 2!!

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Original Post Date: 6/27/12

Most everyone has seen this movie by now, so I'm not going to go into a summary. I'm just telling you what I think as I'm watching it. Yes, this movie review can get heated at times, but I DO give credit where credit is due, as always...

The first time I tried to watch through Twilight Breaking Dawn, I couldn't make it through the first 15 minutes. I got hung up on my VERY FIRST issue, which was...

The 1st part... Edward is trying to convince Bella to change her mind about being changed into a Vampire the night before they get married. He does this by telling her about himself as a "bad Vampire" - LOL! I'm sorry... but killing murderers? Stephenie wrote Edward to NOT HAVE a BAD BONE in his body, didn't she? You know what... If I were to ever actually rewrite this stupid saga, I would make Edward EVIL just to SPITE Stephenie Meyer, ha!

Edward is an EVIL Vampire who falls in love with Bella... That would have actually made a pretty good story now that I think about it. (That was PROBABLY the "saga" she was ORIGINALLY supposed to WRITE, ha!) Here's a chilling thought for you... What if ARO was Edward's Vamp-Dad, LoL!

He's SUPPOSED to be a VAMPIRE... Which, WOOT, we FINALLY get to see that... They set up this dramatic scene with this woman walking out of the theater, and then Edward swooping in to drain the guy who was following her to kill her... WHAT a HERO!

Then he turns to face the camera with his bad*ass Vamp self - RED eyes and bloody mouth with NO FANGS! He wasn't scary AT ALL! I felt like someone should be handing him a napkin to wipe the ketchup off his mouth that he had obviously (seriously) missed while eating that theater hotdog!

I KNOW they didn't have fangs before, but we've never SEEN any of them KILL LIKE THIS before... Some PROFESSIONAL should have been able to look at the footage and say, "You know, I get that your Vampires aren't supposed to have fangs, Stephenie... But the no-fang thing really isn't coming across well on the big screen. Maybe we should extend their fangs a little..."

But NAH... the ONLY things they seem to be REALLY good at changing within this saga are the things they DON'T NEED to change!

The 2nd part... Bella tells Edward THIS when he gets done "warning" her with the story above. Basically, she says, "This time next year I'll be like you... Full of courage, sacrifice and LOVE."

FIRST CLICK OFF of THE REMOTE

I'm going to insert a similar point from the newest Breaking Dawn Part 2 trailer that has come out since Comic-Con in July... Bella is narrating over the trailer about her destiny being a Vampire or something like that. She had been a pathetic Human for her entire life, but NOW (after she is changed into a Vampire) she SHINES.

TELL me again, Ladies... HOW much do you REALLY CARE about Bella? THIS is NOT how Bella's story would go. How can *I* possibly know that since THESE are NOT characters that *I* created? Because *I* know her characters better than Stephenie Meyer EVER did. She wouldn't know a Vampire if they were actually REAL and came up to drain her dry - she'd PROBABLY try to seduce it (and FAIL miserably) LoL!

NO!!! Those are HUMAN sensibilities that Bella has NOW that she would LOSE in the transformation! HOW dysfunctional of a TWIST is THAT?! It would have been the REASON WHY Aro was so surprised about Bella being willing to sacrifice herself as a Human for Edward in New Moon; AND it SHOULD BE the REASON Bella decides to become a Vampire! It should be a SACRIFICE that she is doing for her beloved Cullen's BECAUSE the Volturi insist on it, and she doesn't want them to get hurt because of HER.

I've said this in here before, and it is MORE true now than it EVER was... If I could sue Stephenie Meyer for mistreatment and custody of her characters, I WOULD!

THIS is what it would BE like for Bella to be CHANGED into a Vampire!

Dang, I never really realized how INCREDIBLY dysfunctional it has been for Bella all this time to be constantly begging Edward to change her! It was ALWAYS irritating. But, when you're watching her walk down the isle during her wedding AND when she's all wrecked out about her first Honeymoon night with Edward... Did anyone else get the impression that Bella was really forcing things? She didn't seem ready at all for ANYTHING... She just... seems to be forcing herself because she wants to be a Vampire so bad. She SAYS she loves Edward, but I really wonder...

Would she be marrying him if he had refused to turn her? I HIGHLY doubt it... It kinda feels like she's blackmailing him.

And you know, all us girls go through that "first time"; but if *I* had been that wigged out my first time I wouldn't have bothered. Jeez, what an AMAZING turn-off! WHERE the HELL is our magical romance?

Girls... You YOUNG girls who may still actually be virgins... If you feel like BELLA seems to feel before going into your first time - WHETHER you are married/on your Honeymoon or NOT - you're NOT READY. Bella/Stephenie is FORCING this entire situation!

It's funny, because as Bella was standing on the beach looking out at Edward standing in the ocean; I couldn't figure out WHY his back was to her and he wouldn't turn around. She's just standing there watching him for the longest time after she drops her towel, BUCK NAKED watching him. (The rest of us probably would have PLUNGED into the water at FAST as possible, ha!) And then of course... You realize that he is doing that so that Bella can feel more comfortable joining him in the water. Awwww... *eye roll*

Btw, from what I've seen so far, Kristen Stewart did a BEAUTIFUL acting job in this movie. In my opinion, she's blowing all those "she can't show any other emotion" antagonists away! TONS of KUDOS, Kristen... Damn, it's making it HARDER to have to watch this bad storyline. It you were doing a crappy job it would be SO MUCH easier, LoL!

And MORE KUDOS on the KISS Kristen & Robert! It was PERFECT! I'm not so sure you've deserved EVERY Twilight "Best Kiss" award you've ever received - but you damn well deserved that one! I voted on the MTV Movie Awards this year, and their Breaking Dawn kiss edit was really my first glimpse of Breaking Dawn outside of the trailers. I watched it along with all the other best kisses and voted for "Crazy Stupid Love" hands down! BUT... when I watched the actual movie and saw the entire kiss... Yeah, I'd say you NAILED it! I MIGHT still have voted for the other movie... But I would have had to think about it and you might have won, ha!

Since this blog has turned into an anti-celebrity/fan harassment thing, I'm inserting this blurb in here just since the big cheating scandal in July... There is/was a really HOT Twihard out there who was trolling the boards (like I was, ha!) with the anti-Kristen-Stewart message of, "she doesn't even know how to sensually hold a man when she's kissing him - as demonstrated by her hand 'scratching' the back of Edward's neck during the wedding kiss".

Ummmm... Kristen is playing the character of Bella, a HUMAN girl who is resisting her very impassioned URGE to tackle the delectible character of Edward to the ground and crawl all over him in that moment DESPITE the wedding audience. Those 'hand movements' go far to demonstrate that resistance.

So yeah, the Breaking Dawn wedding kiss WAS PERFECT!! ;)

I'm also really NOT that happy with the director, Bill Condon, who I was REALLY HOPING would save this story. WHAT the HELL was that BULLSH*T interview all about regarding YOU and KRISTEN planning the wedding out like BELLA would have wanted it WITHOUT altering her attitude towards it?! She's STILL about as into her stupid wedding as she is into her dysfunctional marriage! ALL SHE WANTS is for Edward to CHANGE HER - STILL!

ALICE / ASHLEY GREENE should have been the person helping to PLAN the damn thing! TRICK after TRICK these JERKS keep slapping them at us like wet fishes in our faces - and aren't you all the SUCKER BUNCH! They all ACT like they LOVE Bella and CARE so much about her precious character - and then THIS is what they DO with her! GOD, now I'm starting to hate BELLA!

CONTINUING... You young girls... Your first time IS VERY special, but it is ALSO perfectly acceptable for it to be both ROMANTIC and FUN! (Lets talk about SEX!) I don't know why Stephenie wrote it out to be such a somber ritual. Jeez, the two of them are acting like it's a freaking arranged marriage and they don't hardly know each other! It's like they are going through the motions and checking off a list...

1) Walk down isle *check*
2) Exchange vows *check*
3) Kiss Kiss Kiss *check*
4) Reception for friends and family so they can all say goodbye to Bella *check*
5) Have a side dance with the YUMMY Werewolf *check*
(Double-GRRR's on the scruffy Jacob look! But sorry Edward, I haven't been very attracted to you since Twilight. I don't know WHY they insist on making the Cullens out to be such pasty white Pillsbury doughboys/girls. The original Twilight movie certainly didn't have that issue. I'm really NOT so sure all of girls would have fallen in love with Edward Cullen through the movies if he hadn't started out as being ALOT more attractive to us, at first! And JEEZ, what did they DO to EMMETT? He reminded me of Michael Jackson AFTER he had all that plastic surgery done!)
6) Fly off to a romantic Honeymoon on an island paradise *check*
7) Nerves, nerves, nerves - force yourself to take your clothes off *check*
8) Consummate the wedding vows

I would imagine the romance is yet to come with them both standing there naked in the ocean gazing up at the moon (that's as far as I've gotten). Honestly, I'm having a REALLY hard time turning it back on again, ha! I will... (I've already warned Steve that it might be awhile before he gets his DVD back.)

In the rewrite, virgin and/or Honeymoon sex or not, after Bella & Edward arrive at Esme Isle; Bella would have been EXHAUSTED - how could she NOT be?! It was an ALL DAY event COMPLETELY focused on her. Add in a LONG flight (how much GOOD sleep do you really get during that time - especially if you're trying to wind down from being that worked up and "in the spotlight"?). Edward would LET Bella SLEEP that night... BUT they would of course be all snuggled up and cozy; and THEN in the morning things would have warmed RIGHT up!

I GET that tradition is obviously EXTREMELY important to Stephenie Meyer. But as a jaded, century-old Vampire who CONSTANTLY has contact with the most ridiculous thoughts Humans have surrounding all of their ideals and superstitions, etc. Edward, probably AS MUCH AS Bella, wouldn't be NEARLY as into these kinds of things as their goofball creator was.

IF you REALLY want to know what it would be like for Edward and Bella to HAVE SEX before she is turned into a Vampire, CLICK HERE for an excerpt at the end of the New Moon/Eclipse rewrite. I'll spell it out for you! (Incidentally, I ALSO accidentally stumbled upon the DETAILED EXPLANATION about WHY Edward the Vampire and Bella the "what's so special about her" ordinary Human girl could POSSIBLY be in LOVE - IF your attention span can manage to read down that far, ha!)

I was HOPING to be able to watch it and get some inspiration for the last part of the rewrite of Breaking Dawn. We'll see what comes out of all this and how long it will take me, ha! (Update: shortly after watching this movie, I lost ALL DESIRE to finish with the rewrite summary, although I did manage to finish it enough to prove my points before I finally stopped.)

Update 6/28/12

Ok, I started back up with Edward and Bella looking up at the moon... I suppose the sex got a little better, but they sure don't seem to be in ANY kind of lather when they started, ha! Bella DOES "seem to have been ready" AFTER the fact. But, dang, DON'T force yourself, girls! OR GUYS - they BOTH seem to be forcing themselves into this "first time".

And YEAH... Bella is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about Edward not being able to tell how she is feeling the next morning (aren't we ALL a little pissed with him, ha!). EVEN with the way Stephenie wrote her dysfunctional Twilight Vampires, they are somewhat empathic, aren't they? I could be wrong... But a real-make-believe Vampire 1) wouldn't be NEARLY as worried about a few bruises (and honestly, I don't think they would HAPPEN like that JUST because Edward is a NATURALLY-precise Vampire - NOT that this is a big deal); and 2) With the connection they have, Edward WOULD know EXACTLY what Bella is feeling at ANY given moment. He doesn't need to be able to read her mind.

Vampires are NATURALLY empathic because they don't have a soul to filter anything through. Things come at them, directly. PLUS, Edward has already tasted Bella in Twilight - they ALSO have a DIRECT connection through that (yeah, STILL). There is absolutely NO whiny Edward (OR begging Bella) in the rewrite, ha! 

Edward: Last night was the best night of my existence. 

You POOR thing! 

...And they STILL seem pretty uncomfortable with each other... And damn, Bella is REALLY IRRITATING with her horny little self. She's EMBARRASSING, even! (Even though Kristen is being really cute about it, LoL!) My Bella doesn't have to beg for anything, but she isn't exactly acting like a nympho, either. I'm just going to come out and say it... Stephenie Meyer has NO SHAME, ha!

LOVE the jumping into the waterfall - you probably can't really put enough of that CGI Vampire stuff in this story. :) (But, WHERE are Edward's pretty SPARKLES?!)

Poor Bella, though... Jeez, it was HEARTBREAKING when Edward swam away, ha! They should be having SO MUCH MORE actual fun! THIS is one of the reasons for the ReVAMPED rewrite... Bella deserves a MUCH BETTER story to romp & play in, and DON'T we ALL!

I'm on the third chess game and the music has just stopped... I bet THIS is where Bella FINALLY convinces Edward to boink her some more, ha! MY Bella is already pregnant, has rolled around in Esme's pretty sheets AND the beach a couple of times by now, and is trying to figure out the best way to tell Edward...

I was a little off... The last chess game is part of Bella's DREAM... That is supposedly the "telling" dream that sort of compels Bella to jump Edward's bones (YES, I noticed the damn "static"). You get the impression that Bella just HAS to HAVE sex right NOW. THIS is the dream that supposedly indicates that Edward is somehow an Incubus or related to one... UGHHH!

The FIRST thing *I* hate about the Incubus slant in this storyline is that it SUDDENLY brings in a bunch of mystical/magical/demonic/RAPE issues that DO NOT need to be in here. One of the things ALL of us girls LOVED about this "beautiful fairytale" was that is was so plain and simple and sweet... NOT bogged down with a bunch of magic, demons and heavy Goth themes.

The conception of the Vamp-hybrid baby in the rewrite is BELIEVABLE and done without using ANY magic/demons, at all! SINCE Stephenie OBVIOUSLY wasn't into "horror" LIKE she SAYS... WHAT the HELL is she doing SKIMMING through this kind of "evil" stuff for, then?

I read an extension of the quote below somewhere once... In addition, Stephenie Meyer claims that when she did research this "only time" is ALSO when she came across "Incubus"; and apparently she read enough about them to see that they could procreate with Human women. At that point, she no-doubt threw out most of the INCUBUS Lore along with Vampire Lore and just... Thought up this INCREDIBLY BAD storyline.

"The only time I really did any research on vampires was when the character Bella did research on vampires. Because I was creating my own world, I didn't want to find out just how many rules I was breaking." Stephenie Meyer, Author of The Twilight Saga 

I've read that you wrote Twilight starting with Chapter 13, which is supposedly the basic transcript of your beloved, sparkly dream; and THEN you wrote through to the end and brought things back around. BUT, you don't get to Bella doing any research on Edward until JUST BEFORE that "meadow scene" that you STARTED with!

You hadn't done ANY research on Vampires up until THAT point?! And THEN, you just decide to tack on ANOTHER mystical creature's DEMONIC influence into your "brilliantly made-up story"? The fact that she realized that she EVENTUALLY needed to do research "for Bella" in order to make things believable FOR US, her AUDIENCE... Where were those thoughts in the BEGINNING of creating your story, Stephenie?

NO!!! Stephenie Meyer COULD have written her story as believably without all the TRICKS and turns she is so fond of using. If you were trying to KISS - "Keep It Simple, Stupid"; then you DAMN WELL should have KEPT it SIMPLE, Stephenie!

ESPECIALLY, since you have admitted OVER and OVER again that you didn't do research... Apparently, the literary concept of "writing what you know about" was LOST on you during your college years. If you WANT to play in fantasyland with the big kids... And you want their money without pissing them off, too - DO your RESEARCH or KEEP it SIMPLE, Stupid!

NO, I DON'T know every detail Stephenie had worked out surrounding Incubus for this... I DO KNOW that whatever she came up with isn't NEARLY good enough, SIMPLY because you CAN'T go from telling a story about VAMPIRES and then switch to INCUBUS, because NOW you want to convince people that your story has valid horror elements in it - whether they make sense or not!

ANY relations to "Incubus" that they Cullens may have had, SHOULD have been hinted at in this story LONG by now... AND it should have been explained. Edward and the Cullens should KNOW what they are! Stephenie's Vampires don't even SEEM like demons in Twilight, so *I* didn't rewrite them "as demons"! WHERE can this demon/Incubus thing come from?!

INCUBUS are DEMONS who survive in this world by HAVING SEX. They do NOT start out as a Human NOR are they "partially" Human... There is NO getting around that! I can't even BEGIN to imagine WHY Stephenie Meyer even THOUGHT to use them in her story. They are basically demon RAPISTS who PREY on sleeping Human women - AND there is ALL KINDS of OTHER sick, sexually-twisted mythology surrounding them - FAR worse than Vampires! ANY Incubus baby born from a Human woman is ALSO a DEMON - an EVIL one, not a cute little Vamp-Human hybrid.

The author of this saga and EVERY corporate big-wig who helped her forced this crap down our throats should REALLY be ashamed of themselves.

Taking another break...
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Update 6/29/12

JUST BECAUSE a local servant has heard of "legends" surrounding demon pregnancies - DOESN'T make it a VALID POINT! You can't just have people SAY that's how it is and THAT'S what "MAKES IT SO"!

And poor Jacob AND Charlie... In the rewrite, BOTH of them already know about Edward being a Vampire by now AND Charlie actually kind of gets to say goodbye to Bella just before she is changed into a Vampire. FAR more satisfying of a storyline. I HATE this lying to Charlie stuff!

HOW CAN Carlisle say that they "didn't even know it was possible" when HE is a MEDICAL EXPERT several times over!!! Of COURSE he would have a suspicion and WARN Edward - SINCE Edward was obviously unable to think of it, himself! (Which, *I* think he WOULD HAVE since her HAD heard of mutant babies previously!)

Aside from the parts I hated about this scene, I DID really ENJOY the Cullen's heated back and forth with ESME turning into a mamma bear to keep her girls in line - I LOVED that, ha! I had NO IDEA that ALICE was against Bella having the baby - I thought she had decided to "not take sides". It actually makes ALOT more sense for Alice to be against it. She wouldn't want to lose Bella ANY MORE than Edward would.

HOWEVER, Rosalie MAY be helping Bella out because Bella asked her for help; BUT she can't be under ANY kind of impression that this is "just a harmless little baby". She KNOWS what SHE is... It's just that it wouldn't matter to her JUST like it doesn't matter to Bella.

Btw, I'm LOVING Jacob in here (so far); but HATING the wolf pack. Jake's storyline is MORE dyfunctional than the Vampire Lore within this story!

Admittedly, I didn't hate the wolf pack until I found out how irresponsibly Stephenie Meyer had bastardized the REAL Quileute Tribe's Creation Oral History into her stupid saga. YEAH, this is FIXED in the rewrite, too! CLICK HERE for the Twilight New Moon Rewrite with Jacob ReWOLFED... The FIX turned out pretty damn good!

I KNOW I'm not the only person who thinks the wolf pack conversation "as wolves" turned out pretty stupid - even die-hard Twihards go on about that scene. Yeah, it was kind of exciting while Sam was trying to pull rank on Jake; but Jake's heated comeback just before he ran off would have been FAR more pointed if he had done that as his Human self.

I mean, SINCE you can't really SEE the emotions on their wolf faces when they are angry, unless they are growling/fighting. And was it my imagination, or did they even SOUND a little different? Jacob's lines NEEDED to be IN JACOB'S VOICE that we are ALL familiar with and it should have been CLEAR. It was too distorted in this scene for it to be NEARLY effective as it could have been.

THIS is another scene that I would have thought a PROFESSIONAL would have been able to look at and make a couple of professional-type adjustments. You wouldn't have had to reshoot the WHOLE scene, but just have Jake phase back into his Human-self for that line. You know, like he is DOUBLE-DARING Sam to attack him as a HUMAN who was born with this privileged legacy that he's spouting off about!

And YEAH... I REALLY hate that Stephenie has this baby coming so fast and hard. I can't IMAGINE WHY she was in SUCH a hurry to change Bella into a Vampire! Bella & Edward had a HORRIBLE Honeymoon, and then THIS drama starts... And they don't EVEN get to enjoy hardly any "dreaming about the baby time" together because she has Edward written as a SUCH a wimpy SPAZ!

I LOVE Seth and Leah coming into play with Jacob in here, ha!

Just got past the scene where Carlisle tells Bella that there are some things even venom can't fix, AND that she's broken a rib and it's crushing her from the inside out - she's HUGE! But STILL... NO on taking the baby? How big does the thing need to be?

Ok, DUMBEST thing I've EVER heard Alice say (and she is one of MY favorite characters in Twilight)...  "If ONLY I could see the fetus, maybe I could figure out what it wants".

It's a VAMPIRE, Alice... I CAN'T believe they haven't figured this out before THIS point in the movie! Bella is HUGE... This is just a LAME, STUPID excuse to make us all feel even WORSE for Bella! WHAT ELSE could this kid POSSIBLY WANT?!

And, I'm sorry... Lots of eye-rolling was happening when Edward starts to read the baby's mind. (Although I will acknowledge that the scene was sweet.) If anything, NOW is when they would know that they can take the baby SINCE Edward can read it's mind.

And of course, in the rewrite... All this silly HUNTING stuff is null & void!

Ok,... Renesmee has JUST been born and Bella has just died... AFTER they WASTED all those silly moments with Edward posing with the bloody baby. NO! Edward wouldn't have STOPPED with Bella just to FAWN over the baby for a bit, BELLA'S LIFE is STILL in JEOPARDY! Edward should have began IMMEDIATELY to change Bella!

Her back just practically broke in HALF and the umbilical cord supposedly became detached - but everything is OKAY for a few, tender moments of bloody baby family time. (There was really only ONE thing *I* wanted to see about Stephenie Meyer's baby, and that was her biting Bella. I thought it would be cute, ha! But NO...)

AND... Bella has been dead for TOO LONG for Edward to change her into a Vampire by this time. They've PISSED around and she DIED. ONCE a Human is DEAD, you can't change them AFTERWARDS!

A friend, a brother, a protector... REALLY, THIS is WHAT we are supposed to believe Jacob has IMPRINTED on this NEWBORN baby for? EVEN THOUGH at the BEGINNING of all this... Jacob and Leah are talking about this imprinting thing as if it is "the thing" that connects them to a MATE; and then LATER, Leah chooses to leave the pack because of her BROKEN, IMPRINTED-UPON HEART.

I'm sorry... THAT is NOT EVEN SORT of a FIX, Stephenie Meyer, Bill Condon and WHOEVER ELSE thought that THIS part of the story absolutely HAD to be in here!

"No killing who a werewolf imprints on is their absolute law"... Edward says this, apparently reading the wolf packs minds after Jacob comes out to join the fight.

It is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that their ABSOLUTE LAW is surrounding something like "not killing an imprinted mate". It PROBABLY doesn't need to happen very often - if EVER!!!

Edward: She's too still, maybe I got to her too late.
Carlisle: No Edward, it's the morphine, listen to her heart... BUT they SHOWED Bella's HEART being burned by the venom, earlier!

And then, LATER... As Bella is laying there changing into this "Twilight Vampire"... It looks like everything turns SOLID inside of her body, and that is ALWAYS the impression I have gotten out of these Vampires. They are supposed to be "frozen" - but I couldn't figure out WHY that never really made sense before, even though I could see why venom SHOULDN'T be "the thing" that transforms them...

WHAT in the WORLD would they NEED to drink blood for if their bodies change into this solid, frozen substance?

Answer me THIS ONE QUESTION, Stephenie Meyer... WHY do YOUR Vampires EVEN DRINK BLOOD?! What, SPECIFICALLY, do they need it for? SERIOUSLY..?! *I* can tell you why EVERY OTHER make-believe Vampire anyone has ever thought up drinks blood. Can you tell me WHY YOUR's DO?!

It isn't even a BLOOD-BASED body! HOW does it soak into their tissues when they drink it - and HOW can they even SWALLOW to drink it?! Vampires HAVE a PURPOSE for drinking Human blood - this is BEYOND DYSFUNCTIONAL! Thanks for making it more clear for us!

HOW could Edward's SOLID "Vampire" body create ANY SEMEN to impregnate Bella?!

Your Vampires are BLOODLESS - they don't need it for ANYTHING! YOUR Vampires are SUNPIRES, ha! They are CRYSTALLINE (yet somehow FROZEN, too - because of venom instead of BLOOD, I guess) BEINGS who sparkle in the SUN because THAT's what THEY NEED apparently because they're FROZEN! They're SO cold, they need rays of sunshine to survive, ha!

That is the ONLY WAY YOUR "Vampires" make ANY sense, Stephenie! Since you obviously didn't like reading about the topic of blood, then you should have just THROWN IT OUT instead of DEBUNKING ANYONE!

DO YOU have ANY idea WHY I'm SO MAD about what you did with this story? Do you have any CLUE why ANY of us got so mad at you? (I realize I'm pretty lonely up here now that you've got just about the ENTIRE PLANET brainwashed, now.) But REALLY... Aren't you even curious?!

It's because WE can SEE what your pretty fairytale COULD HAVE BEEN - in FACT, it was the REASON why so MANY of us were READING it until you DEBUNKED us - IF you had taken the time to write The Twilight Saga responsibly to begin with.

We can see CLEARLY... That your amateur story is NOT EVEN SORT of good enough. I don't care HOW many people there seem to be out there against my one voice.

THE FEW GOOD THINGS

The Acting - Thumbs up all around! 

Even when I was cringing... The actors & actresses make the storyline bearable to watch!

I've read LOTS of reviews - alot of them have good things to say about Kristen's acting; they seem to be split about 50/50 on Taylor's; and Robert's seems to be on the down side.

I LOVED Kristen in this movie, dammit! She was ALWAYS "RIGHT-ON-THE-MONEY"! And since the MAJORITY of my cringing scenes revolved around her storyline, that's saying ALOT!

Tyler was REALLY GOOD... I've heard ALOT of bad reviews on his acting in this movie (mixed in with some good ones; but he was ADORABLY hurt and brave. I LOVED him in this - AND his two SIDEKICKS, Seth & Leah!)

"If it's the right thing to do"... Great line, and well-said, BooBoo! It felt like you meant it. It is, in fact, THE LINE that stuck out at me the MOST in this entire movie now that I'm done watching it. :)

And Honestly... I don't think Robert really EVER had a decent character to begin with for him to be judged too harshly. I thought he made a damn good Edward in Twilight and New Moon, but ever since then this saga has been f*cked up. As they say, "A cook is only as good as the ingredients"! I think he's a trooper for sticking Twilight out, ha!

LOVED most of THE CULLENS - I had some issues with Carlisle, but again... Too damn much dysfunction for his character to work with!

I loved seeing more of Esme, but would have loved to have seen more of ALL of them (even WITH all the BAD makeup)!

BEST SCENES

THE WEDDING KISS!!! Well Done!

I'm weird... Another one of my favorite characters is Jessica. I loved all her snotty little comments throughout the reception, ha! ("So, when do you think she's gonna start to show?") Just give her a couple of weeks, LoL!

And awwww.... Wasn't Edward taking Bella outside so she could dance with Jake sweet... Up until the cringe moment.

I LOVED the Vampire piggy-back jump off the waterfall! WOOT!

I loved the Cullens arguing.

Honestly, the ONLY thing I really liked about Bella being pregnant was seeing Edward bend out of shape over it. JUST for awhile, sometimes... he actually seemed like a real-make-believe Vampire. On TOP of that, in the previous movies anyway; you get the impression that he would NEVER raise his voice to Bella. It was nice to see him stick up for himself for a change. He does that in the rewrite too, but I think he and Bella, in general, get into more than one heated discussion over it, ha! (Then again, my Bella is pregnant longer).

I liked Jacob & Seth's conversation after Seth followed him, and then Jacob & Leah's conversation later, as they are discovering that they lost their telepathic connection to the wolfpack after they left.

Esme handing out sandwiches, ha!

I HATED the lies to Charlie!
-------------------------------------------

I AM relieved to have FINALLY finished with the movie (it only took me three days)... Although I wish I didn't feel so damn sh*tty about all this. I was hoping for some corrections... WORST storyline for an epic movie series, EVER!

NONE of you "professional creators" who were responsible for bringing The Twilight Saga to the masses deserved ONE RED CENT that you made off this PATHETIC attempt at a "beautiful fairytale" - Not ONE of you!

Damn, if there was EVER a time I felt like crying over this stupid story, it's now... You wasted SO much of my time, Stephenie... And you COULD have written this story right to begin with.

The reason why I've taken the time to write this ENTIRE blog out - including this Breaking Dawn movie review AND The Twilight Saga ReVAMPED & ReWOLFED Rewrite - is because I HOPE you see it someday, or someone TELLS you about it... And MAYBE you'll even be curious enough to want to know what SUCKS SO MUCH about your beloved saga that someone like me would take the time to go through this much trouble.

And maybe someday you'll actually feel BAD about what you did with The Twilight Saga and all these pretty characters you MADE the WORLD fall in love with - within your DISASTROUS, OVERLY-LOVED, SERIOUSLY DEBUNKED literary FAILURE! 

Below is My Collection of Reviews on Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2:
(Yeah, I've started watching it and someday I may actually finish it - I've been busy. ;) 

Update 11/18/12

Here's a Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 movie review I can live with because I can relate to my opinions about this "saga" as being similar to the person who wrote it, ha! It's a GOOD REVIEW and contains SPOILERS, including the NEW ENDING!! Yeah, it sounds EXCITING!!

WAY to WORK OUT a GREAT ENDING, Stephenie and Melissa - I always KNEW all Stephenie needed was a little HELP, ha! It isn't really "new", just EXPOUNDED upon - which is something that should have HAPPENED the FIRST time around when it was originally written - along with that hunting scene - I BET it was FUN watching Bella HUNT!!

And this is another GOOD movie review I've found of BDp2 that also manages to capture my sentiments about this "franchise". It's called, "Breaking Dawn Part 2 Thumbs Its Nose At Fandom And Hollywood And Transcends Its Franchise".

Does BDp2 REDEEM the rest of the series because they somehow managed to give the ending SOME substance? Not for me, since BDp1 was such an INCREDIBLE FAILURE. But, it DOES make it worth watching for those of you who could care less how irrelevant Stephenie's "vampires" ARE within our wonky world.

JUST THINK what your FASCINATING "SAGA" could have been IF you had taken the time to DO THE RESEARCH and WRITE your pretty fairytale in a BELIEVABLE, non-OFFENSIVE way, Stephenie...

EVERYONE would be LOVING it right now INSTEAD of SO MANY of us being SO DAMN GLAD it's finally OVER!!

This is what the majority of people out here think of your pretty "saga" TODAY - nice, huh? Here's another pretty accurate perspective - and here's the END slice from it:

"To further paraphrase the raw feeling of Miss Lewis’s international smash hit: This series has cut open my friend and her fellow so-called Twi-hards. They keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love. Now that’s it’s over, they don’t need Kleenex. They need tourniquets."

PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION, WORLD!

JANUARY 2013 UPDATE:

The Twilight Petition is down now (whew!!), but the FIGHT for the privacy rights of celebrities CONTINUES... If you've ever really LOVED The Twilight Saga, Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson, put your signature where your heart is and SET THEM FREE by SIGNING!!

SIGN the PETITIONS
to set these two professional actors and
ALL Celebrities FREE by insisting Hollywood
REFORM ITSELF!